Terri’s lovely message to me :3

taken from the heart of my spookyleireza

Today it has been five years since I got with Amanda AKA http://naughtybadbread.tumblr.com/

Time fucking flies.


I remember bringing my best friend to meet her.
One day a week or so later they were busy on omegle while I was asleep in the same room the bastards 🙂

I remember meeting her for the first time, but not what we talked about, only the rushed failure of a kiss when she had to leave.

I remember our first kiss, outside the burger king she was working at at the time.
A policeman cheered us on from his patrol car.

I remember when she asked me out properly,
and I remember what our adventure to roundhay park was like as well.
Even after all the arguments and stress,
even after her mum passing and her dad being Ill,
even after our first house had no hot water,
and the next had rats,
and the one after had damp.
Even after all that, I don’t regret a thing. I wouldn’t swap it for the world.



To sweet, kind hearted Lee from my year who never judged me in high school.
Your son will be proud and remember you the way you always will be.

To my crazy pair of drinking buddies from back in the day, Leroy and Phil.
True inseparable Lovers until the very end of their short-lived lives.

To my sisters friends who were in the the wrong place at the wrong time.
May Sophie’s mum be at ease and get justice for the evil hate crime committed.

To a person I hardly knew but respected from a distance.
At least now you can be with your child again.

To the brilliant, glamorous and genuine diva I’ve ever had the pleasure to know.
Dance and party like you never left us in the first place dearest Danny.

I am sorry I didn’t get the chance to know any of you better.
Your deaths have made me reflect dearly on the most important people in my life.
My mother and my Lover.
My family and my friends.

And just how thankful I am.

In words.

So here’s to you. My Mother, Brenda.
loving, caring, sweet, kind, gentle, absolutely hilarious, talented,
brilliant in every way ever imaginable, with the nicest, infectious personality I’ve ever come across in a person other than my fiancée.
Your funeral was the world’s greatest.
You’ve made so many people happy.
You’ve single handedly inspired me to better myself, you’ve shown me that I have been looked after and raised right and that I can carry on I understand that you was scared at first when I came out to you as gay.
Your sole purpose was to have children, be married, have grandchildren from those children.
My fiancée is taking care of everything you were made to do.
She is the reason I still exist for she holds my heart, body, mind and soul.

I still miss you. I can’t deny it.

Death is such a sad, cold and tormenting thing. Grieving is a way of coping.
I am grieving. But I will always smile and remember you all. In different ways per person depending entirely on how each person has affected me As a person.

I will grow and be at peace one day too.
The thought of my friends and family just..dropping like flies, is absolutely terrifying.

The amazing, liberating feeling is that I am safe to share my thoughts on here,
rather than post all over Facebook for attention points like some.

I know I’m smarter than that.

I want to be able to help anyone else who has suffered great loss of loved ones.
I want to be able to inspire people the way my loved ones have inspired me.

Reassuring me that life Is worth living after death.

The words of my heart.

I chose to upload this picture as it is now the Eve of Leeds Pride 2014 and I wanted to share with you all, my beautiful Fiancee.

Leeds pride 2010

Terri-Louise. (Aka @fueledbypixiedust on WordPress.)
One day I will marry her during Summer Solstice in a big field full of our loved ones and most importantly our future.

She is the light of my life, she lubricated the hinges to my rusty neglected heart, reached inside and pieced it back together, carefully studying the holes left by the bad memories.

She encapsulated and protected it, preserving it for five long wonderful years.

My heart may never leave this immaculate condition.

I belong. At last.

Me and my one true love.
Nothing can stop me from being with this woman forever.
I guarantee it.

I love you xxx

Anyone else have a Dog like Mine??



The smartest dog I’ve ever come across.
She can open just about anything! With great ease too.
Not sure how she does it but my cats work with her to open cupboards, fridges, drawers, doors and even screw cap bottles!

She pulls door handles down and at the same time she can yank the door open forward.
She doesn’t seem to be able to open push opening doors though.
When me and my partner Terri went shopping once she managed to pull the slide lock from inside the house and she successfully and quite hilariously locked us out of our own house. Hadn’t even lived there for a month at that time!

we had to get this worker from across the road to pretty much break into our own house then we destroyed the slide lock to prevent it from happening again. 🙂

But no matter how many times i have to block up the fridge-freezer,
take a shovel and jam it in my cellar doors handle and make sure there’s no
washing up to be smashed when we get back from being out,
i will always love this dog.
She’s friendly, loving and very loyal to us and i guess the stress she puts me through sometimes will keep my adrenaline pumping. 🙂